


in all the worlds, our lights still twinkle.

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Vibes, Fluff, M/M, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, Mini AU snapshots, Robron Secret Santa 2017, daddy!Robron, soldier!robron, teenage!robron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 09:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13143477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: a selection of christmas au's: christmas always happens to make everything that little bit more magical, regardless of the universe you're in.Notes:





	in all the worlds, our lights still twinkle.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vicbartons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicbartons/gifts).



> my secret santa gift which i hope is enjoyed by all, a very merry christmas to everyone!

 

_'and i’ll have a blue, blue christmas'_

 

The day is ruined.

He didn’t think he’d actually be kicked out on Christmas Day over one comment.

A comment he didn’t really _mean_ to come across as too insulting in the first place, but the next thing he heard was a hard slap, and then he felt a sting, and then his cheek was bright red and he was being hurled up from his seat and out the door.

He should have expected it, because he went for Andy, and dad was sitting only a few feet away from them, and he’d always take his side anyway.

And it was all, “If you can’t behave yourself today then you can sling your hook!”

He’s not even got a coat on, knows that his nose is probably flushed pink and in need of a scarf to warm it up but he can’t possibly go back to the farm now.

So instead, he’s walking towards the village and wondering if anything is open.

When nothing is, he cautiously decides to sit on one of the pub benches and get used to the sleet which is suddenly all over his jeans and cooling him even further.

He manages to think darkly after a few seconds and so his mind jumps to thinking of his mum and how she would have _never_ let this happen to him. She would have pulled him into a hug despite his eighteen years, and kissed his head and told Jack to pipe down and ignore his silly lad.

It makes tears begin to swell in his eyes and then he’s hearing the sound of feet trudging towards him over the snow and suddenly he fucking remembers where he dared to sit.

“You alright?”

Robert looks up and Aaron’s there. Aaron Dingle.

The popular lad with the mates and the football captain badge and the muscles.

Robert can’t help the way he stares at him, because annoyingly it’s become this awful habit of his and he’s loathed to call it a crush on the Dingle, but yeah, it is.

It’s a crush on a boy, and that’s new and different and even stranger but it’s not like he can help it.

Because Aaron, he smiled, and he doesn’t usually smile but when he did -

( _“Sorry mate.” He said, voice deep, clear at the same time._

_Robert’s eyes widened, this heart flowing through him and he had his mouth hanging open like a fish as he looked at how blue his eyes were and Aaron bent down, started picking up all his nerdy shit._

_He shook his head slowly. “It’s alright.” He said after a few seconds. “My fault really.” And then he was standing up and practically running to his next class._

_He didn’t even dare to look back._ )

He knows it is, has known since he bumped straight into him and Aaron placed his hand on Robert’s shoulder for a flipping second and Robert felt his knees grow weak.

(It’s more than a crush, he knows.)

But he can deal with it, because Aaron doesn’t even know who he is really. He knows Vic of course, because she’s all over his best mate Adam. But Robert’s just the brother who’s awkwardly a year older than them all so it doesn’t matter.

Only now it does, because he’s speaking to him and Robert can’t even think straight.

“Uh - yeah fine.” He says, can’t even bring himself to raise his head and look at the boy with the blue eyes and the soft hair and the -

He comes even closer, shudders as he hugs at his big black jacket. “You want a pint? Because it’s closed today -”

“I’m fine.” Robert snaps, wants to be buried suddenly because Aaron’s just being Aaron, being kind, nice, but he shouldn’t be because it’s only Robert and he doesn’t have to still be here.

So he feels sorry for you, great.

Aaron makes a small sound and then frowns. “You’re Vic’s brother?” He says, all confident, like he doesn’t even need to try and Robert secretly hates him a little.

Robert gulps hard, realises that he has to raise his head and look at him now. Only when he does Aaron’s got a half smile on his face and Robert instantly looks back down towards the snow. “Yeah. You wouldn’t know -”

“Robert?” He says, and something makes Robert’s eyes flicker uncontrollably.

Just hearing him say his name, it’s weird, so strange and inviting and it’s -

“Yeah. The one not into cows and tractors.” Robert admits to, pokes fun at Andy and doesn’t expect Aaron to laugh the way he does. Then he’s noticing the cans in his hands.

Two, almost like he knew Robert was outside and wanted to share a drink with him.

It’s almost too much and then Aaron’s just waving one out towards him and Robert is nodding slowly until they’re sipping beer side by side on the bench with their knees touching and he can’t really breathe.

“Suppose you don’t want to tell me why you’re out here on your own then?” Aaron says, voice heavy with something Robert thinks is concern.

It makes him gulp hard. “Not a fan of Christmas,” he says slowly. “Not the same without my mum.”

And it feels like he’s known this popular stud of Dingle for years and years, and that’s why he’s talking about Sarah, and that’s why he doesn’t mind when Aaron says he’s sorry to hear that.

“You could always help me deal with my lot in there?” And almost on cue there’s a cackle of laughter and Robert knows that it’s Chas.

For a second he wonders what Jack would say about his son being with the Dingles for Christmas, probably something about slumming it with them.

And then he’s watching the softness on Aaron’s face, the lad who barely barely knows him really and he can’t help but wonder -

“Why?” He’s asking, a little blunt, and Aaron’s suddenly all reserved now. He just lets out a shrug and he’s jumping off the bench, playing with the snow and building a ball in his hands.

“Does there have to be a reason?” He replies.

Robert frowns, “There does when - when uh - when you barely know me.” And he’s all shy and ridiculous again. “Why would anyone want me around for -”

He’s feeling sorry for himself one minute and then feeling a snowball land across his face the next.

It makes him gasp and then he’s throwing one back and Aaron’s laughing his head off and it’s the best sound in the entire world.

It makes him feel young, makes him feel like there’s nothing to really hold him down and make him feel sad.

Because Aaron’s fucking noticing him and they’re acting like actual teenagers in the snow until Robert’s loosing his balance and it’s like something out of a movie as Aaron holds his hand out and ends up falling on Robert’s chest instead.

They’re still laughing as they face each other and Robert can’t even believe this gets to be real.

“You coming inside then?” Aaron’s asking, still asking, and it can’t be pity, it must be -

“Yeah.” Robert whispers out, and he gets to have a Christmas.

He gets to have a jumper thrown over him by Chas, a towel to dry himself off first. He gets to play a board game with Aaron’s little sister and his a million and one cousins.

And then he hears -

“ _That’s_ Robert.” Liv says, eyes almost sparkly as she nudges at Aaron’s side and Robert can hear them speaking from across the room.

It makes something bubble inside him as he has April on his lap drawing something.

“Yes.” Aaron hisses back, and Robert can hear him over he sound of giggling and music. “Saw him outside, all on his own.” He says, voice all heavy.

“Almost fate that.” Liv teases, “Didn’t have to go over there and wish him Merry Christmas after all.”

Robert’s eyes widen, and he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

Aaron was going to -

Aaron actually -

Robert fights a smile, is suddenly in awe of how well Aaron can play it cool. And when he looks over at him, his cheeks are red and he looks embarrassed because Paddy is teasing him too now and Robert is more than a little overwhelmed.

And then they’re sitting next to each other during a proper rowdy Christmas dinner and Robert’s got a yellow paper hat on.

“Thank you, for letting me in.” Robert whispers to Aaron above the noise of the room.

And Aaron looks towards him and shrugs. “It’s fine.” He says and for the first time Robert can see past the coolness and see a little nervousness behind a smile.

It makes Robert smile too.

And then Aaron’s slowly, so fucking cautiously sliding a hand into Robert’s and it doesn’t matter that it’s clammy and that this room is stuffy.

Because they’ll escape outside soon and he’ll finally kiss Aaron Dingle on Christmas Day.

So he squeezes back and watches Aaron’s face relax into something Robert dares to call something along the lines of love.

And so, the day won’t be too much of a waste after all.

 

~*~

 

_‘last christmas i gave you my heart’_

 

 

Vic’s calling it a soiree and it’s ridiculous really considering Adam’s in the corner with his fingers poking into the cheesy nibbles without a care in the world and there’s shitty Christmas music on in the background.

Aaron’s got a hand around a can of beer, it’s cold and he likes how it keeps him awake almost. That as well as the flickering lights which won’t stop making his eyes twitch.

“Oi, you gonna crack a smile tonight?” He hears, and he doesn’t mean to whip his head up as quickly as he does. It makes Ed look at him all concerned and that’s the _last_ thing he needs right now. “Are you alright?” He’s asking and Aaron gulps hard.

He knows he’s hardly said a word, and that’s because this fancy Christmas party hosted by one of his most unfancy best mates isn’t ideal.

Because _he_ could arrive any second really.

“I’m fine.” Aaron lies, “Just a bit stuffy in here.” He says, and Ed does what he always does, just lets it go. Aaron welcomes it, smiles softly as Ed nods his head.

“We don’t have to stay for long.” Only Ed would stay for hours more, because he’s the chatter box, he’s the life and soul and Aaron’s already sick of hearing about how lucky he is to have bagged a rugby player with a personality.

Only, cruelly it doesn’t feel like that. Because Ed came along when Aaron was in the worst headspace in the world, he was fucking heartbroken and he allowed himself to be wined and dined and before he knew it they were _together_.

It happened so fast, but Ed was so good, and so nothing else seemed to really matter.

“Yeah.” Aaron drags out, and then Ed’s going on about something.

Only Aaron can’t even hear, because the door is going and Vic is laughing and welcoming someone and he’s there.

The one person who Aaron has avoided all year.

Robert Sugden.

He’s reminded of when he first properly spoke to him, a gobby teenager with an unhealthy habit of messing his sister about.

( _“You clearing off then or do I need to get your lot round here to drag you home?”_

_And Aaron was hit by a sudden feeling, watched Robert with his dark jeans and white top stand in front of him with a frown on his face._

_“Uh I - yeah I should be heading home sorry.” He said, almost couldn’t be sarky with him and he knew it meant something bad._

_Because then Robert smiled at him for just a second and something inside him turned to jelly._ )

The sight of him there in his long grey coat, patterned shirt, expensive shoes and bottle of red, makes Aaron feel like he’s back there again.

Back to last Christmas, back amongst the snow and shouting confessions of _feelings_ and _kissing_ and -

( _“I’m not being difficult you prick, I’m in love with ya!”_

_And that happened meant to come out, but it had._

_And they were standing in the middle of the village, snow falling around them and stars twinkling and Aaron had lost it._

_Because Robert just didn’t seem to get it._

_But then he was turning around slowly and blinking out a shocked expression, one of true disbelief._

_“You -”_

_And Aaron looked away._

_“You just said that you -”_

_“I know!” Aaron shouted, eyes watering._

_“Take it back then.” Robert said, like he was a child, like it could fix it._

_“I can’t.” Aaron told him and then suddenly Robert was charging up to him and -_

_They were kissing just like that, hot and passionate and it was heavy with all this feeling and lust._

_And Aaron was in heaven._ )

Then it was just over, just like that.

One second, Aaron was shouting that he was in love with Robert, the older brother of Vic’s who he had secretly loved since he was sixteen, and Robert was kissing him harshly and passionately and everything was almost okay.

And then the next, Robert wasn’t in his bed anymore, he was gone and Vic was telling him that he had gone back to his fiancé for Christmas instead.

And everything was lost.

He’s still standing there by the time Ed calls Aaron’s name, but he doesn’t even try to hear. He’s just looking at him, and thinking about how much of his heart he gave to the man.

The man who hugged him when he was seventeen and told him that being gay wasn’t that big of deal.

The man who taught him how to drive.

The man who listened for hours as Aaron explained how he had this crush on someone he shouldn’t, gave him advice Aaron knew he couldn’t act on.

The man who was just everything.

And he bolts, he’s out of the house before Vic calls his name and tells him that her stupid brother has arrived to hurt Aaron all over again.

He goes towards the playground and is suddenly thankful that it isn’t snowing this year so he can sit on the swings.

He rocks himself back and forth, eyes looking up towards the velvet sky cluttered with silver specs of beauty. It makes him close his eyes, breathe out slowly and almost pained because it’s all back again and his heart can’t even begin to forget.

When he opens his eyes again, he’s there next to him.

He’s got a dark grey scarf on and he’s just staring straight into Aaron’s fucking soul.

“Hello.” He says, and for the first time, he seems small in Aaron’s eyes. The four years between them is suddenly disappearing and Aaron can’t quite believe it.

He doesn’t know what to do, just digs his feet into the ground to stop himself swinging and huffs out a sigh.

“Didn’t think you’d be here tonight.” Robert says, and Aaron knows what that means. He knows that Robert wasn’t expecting to have to face the awkward situation head on.

“Well I am. Sorry to disappoint.” Aaron says, and he hates it, how cold and distant his voice is.

Because Robert used to make him warm, used to make him feel things he didn’t think were actually possible.

And then he told him, after so many years of being so afraid, and Robert left him anyway.

“You never disappoint me.” Robert whispers, and Aaron watches him edge closer and holds his breath. “Aaron?”

And somehow it makes Aaron explode, he’s standing up and charging away until he’s by the church and he hears the bell’s ringing.

“Leave me alone.” Aaron shouts back, but Robert’s too close and their lips nearly touch.

It makes Aaron’s legs feel funny and he gulps hard.

“Don’t be like this.”

“Like this?” Aaron says, stunned. “What? Cold, distant, _hurt_?” He doesn’t mean to say the last word but he can’t help it.

Robert looks away. “I never meant to hurt you.” He says, slowly. “Come on Aaron, I’ve known you for years.”

And the way he says it, it’s like they’re nothing but old friends. But it’s not like that, because Robert led them to bed, Robert kissed him and stripped him and they had _sex_ on flipping Christmas Day last year.

“We had sex.” Aaron hisses, cuts to the chase. “You let me think you felt the same.” He whispers, eyes watering. “When we were -” he blinks quickly. “I thought ‘this is amazing because he actually wants me, he actually feels how I do after all this time of worrying he wouldn’t’. And then you were gone.”

It’s clear, the shame written all over Robert’s face and the way it crumbles away.

“I was scared of what was happening okay?” Robert tells him, bites his lip hard and sighs. “Because - you were always - always there and - I shouldn’t have felt the way I did when I first saw you.” Robert looks like he’s thinking back to the moment, all chavvy suits and a bad attitude. “I wanted you to _like_ me.” Robert almost laughs. “How weird is that?”

And Aaron finds himself softening a little, can’t help how he frowns. “Not weird at all.”

Robert shakes his head. “So I realised - I had feelings for ya, feelings that I shouldn’t feel for the bloke who was meant to be chasing my sister.” And that’s how it was. “So I locked it away until that night, and I couldn’t control it anymore.”

Aaron shivers, remembers the passion and how it lasted for hours and hours.

“Because you wanted me too.” Robert says, nose pink from the cold as he speaks.

Aaron gulps hard. “So why didn’t you stick around? We’re both adults now Rob, you could have just spoke to me and -”

“I was petrified.” Robert blurts out. “I hadn’t - you were the first - first guy to make - make me feel weird shit.” He shrugs, a hand through his hair as he speaks. “When we slept together, I’ve never felt like that before.”

And it makes Aaron tingle, almost thaw. “So why - why couldn’t you just -”

“I was with someone.”

“I know!” Aaron snaps, _Chrissie_ entering his mind as he remembers Vic mention her name in passing over the year.

Robert looks ashamed of himself, “I was going to tell her.” He says. “Then she - we - there was a pregnancy scare.” And Aaron’s eyes widen. “She thought she was and - and when she wasn’t I felt like it was my way to you, to have you properly. So I told her the truth.”

There’s this heaviness between them.

“And I was five minutes away before I saw you with _him_.”

Him, Ed.

Aaron feels something swirl in his chest.

“You were laughing, looked so happy and -” Robert shrugs. “It’s not like you needed me.”

Aaron frowns harshly. “Of course I did.” He whispers, comes closer. “I love you, you stupid, self-centred, idiotic …” Robert looks down to Aaron’s lips and his eyes glisten a little. It makes Aaron’s chin wobble. “Amazing, thoughtful, beautiful twat.” He heaves out, nose touching Robert’s.

They stand so close to each other for seconds and seconds.

“You’ve never spoken so much.” Robert whispers, and then Aaron’s shaking his head, telling him to shut up and then they’re kissing.

Aaron wraps a hand around Roberts back and deepens it instantly as he tugs at the older man’s hair and feels him stroke a hand down Aaron’s wait over and over again.

It’s soft, the space between them sparking out energy which they know means only one thing.

Robert says it, has the balls to now apparently.

“I love you.” All heavy, filled with such sincerity. “Have done for - fucking years.” He says nervously, “And I know I hurt you, but I want ya, properly, finally just us. If you’ll have me?”

And it’s music to Aaron’s ears as he sees the Christmas tree in the village flickering gently.

“Have you?” Aaron says nervously, and Robert looks away.

“You’re - you’re with him aren’t ya?” He says, something twisting in his chest as he backs away. “And I’m just messin’ with your head. I’m sorry, I’ll -”

“He’s not the man I’ve loved since I was sixteen.” Aaron stops him. “He’s - he’s not you.” He whispers, and then he’s holding Robert’s face and smiling. “I’ll have you, I’ll have only you.”

And Robert looks like he can’t believe it. “Really?” He asks, and it’s only getting colder but they don’t really care.

“Really really.” Aaron whispers, “Just don’t hurt me again.” He says, because it was awful, because he couldn’t have it happen again.

Robert looks all serious and nods. “Never.” He says, and then he’s biting his lip.

“Stay for Christmas.” Aaron blurts out, can’t help but want it despite the mess he’ll have to deal with when it comes to Ed.

Robert gulps, “Are you sure?” He’s asking.

And Aaron kisses him softly. “I’m sure.” He says, “Just want ya.” He mumbles as Robert holds him against his chest.

“Well I’m here, always have been really.” Robert says, and all Aaron’s Christmases roll into one.

 

 

~*~

 

 

_‘and i’ll be home for christmas’_

 

 

Aaron nearly burns himself on the oven and jumps back quickly as he feels the impact of the heat against his skin.

He’s a nervous mess of a man and he’s only really blaming one person.

Robert flipping Sugden.

“Oi, chill out will ya.” He hears, turns around and sees Vic holding Jacob in her arms. “You’ll upset the baby.” She’s saying, "And for absolutely no reason because his dad _is_ coming home for Christmas.“

And he should be, but it’s not that simple.

It never has been has it?

Not when it came to Robert.

They met nearly six whole years ago on a cold November night, Aaron had been out on the town with Adam, mumbled something like 'fuck me’ after nearly being sick in the loos and then there was Robert offering to take him out on a date before they got round to that.

They flirted, and laughed and jumped into bed and -

The rest seemed to be history really.

Aaron likes to think of the good times like that, instead of when he found Robert’s uniform shoved into a battered brown bag the next day and he had to pretend like it didn’t matter.

( _"Didn’t I mention that?” Robert had yawned out, “Been in the army since I was nineteen.”_

_Aaron gulped hard and felt a twist of something inside him, he’d only just spent the night with Robert and yet felt strangely protective and scared for him._

_He pulled himself up on the bed and stared at the man with the blonde hair and the mass of freckles covering his back._

_“Oh.” He said, “Sounds dangerous.”_

_But Robert lit up. “Nah, it’s exciting innit?” He said, “Doing something that actually makes a difference, means something.”_

_Aaron nodded his head, had a hand placed on Robert’s chest and pressing his finger against the soft skin._

_“I take it you’re on leave?” Aaron dared to say, minutes later when Robert was talking about having to get back to his flat._

_“Yeah. Two more days.” He said, and Aaron frowned instantly, felt used almost, like a quick fix or something. “You up for me taking you out for some dinner or something tomorrow?”_

_And Aaron somehow didn’t expect that, had his mouth open a little until Robert smiled at him._

_“I don’t usually …” He gulped and shook at his hair. “I get it if you’re not up for anything serious considering I’m -”_

_“Sounds good.” Aaron said, despite everything inside him saying that this would only end in him crying into the bottom of a pint glass._

_Robert looked almost surprised, awkwardly fucking so too and then he nodded. “Good.” He said, picking up his jacket and bag and then sliding on his army hat just to make Aaron laugh._

_“See you later then soldier.” Aaron said, like it was just all fun and games, like he wasn’t already imagining Robert dead somewhere._

_The door clicked shut and Aaron slammed down on his bed, naked with the sheets barely warming him, hating himself for starting something he knew he already had know control over._ )

“Is he though?” Aaron snaps, looks towards Annie who’s twirling around on the spot and wearing her best red sparkly dress for the day. “She doesn’t deserve this.” And it’s true, because she’s only three years old and she deserves to have both her dads with her every night.

Vic bites at her lip and Jacob wriggles in her arms, pulls an arm out and Aaron settles him in his arms.

“And neither does he.” Aaron whispers, looks down at how beautiful their baby boy is and he can’t help but want to cry because everything was so perfect only a few months ago.

Because they were this family and then it all came crashing down around them.

Robert wasn’t meant to leave again, they were meant to be passed the tears and the goodbyes and the crying.

( _“I wished you didn’t have to go.” Aaron whispered, and yeah he knew the score. It wasn’t like the first time._

_Robert had left after the two days, and he’d somehow managed to find Aaron’s address and write to him, and then they couldn’t stop writing to each other and Aaron was waking up to find Robert on his doorstep three weeks later._

_Robert gulped hard and pressed a kiss to Aaron’s head. “Me either.” He said, and Aaron frowned._

_“You don’t mean that, you love your job.” And Aaron loved that about Robert, didn’t want to ever take that away from him and be that selfish._

_“I don’t want you sad.” He said, all serious suddenly and Aaron felt awful._

_Because it was clear that the whole no strings attached thing was long forgotten about, because he’d already told Robert things he shouldn’t have, because he was already in love -_

_“Don’t worry about me.” Aaron lied. “Go, and make sure to write back okay?”_

_And just like that, Robert was gone, once again._ )

“This wasn’t supposed to happen Vic.” Aaron tells her openly. “He wasn’t meant to miss our boy’s first Christmas. I thought -” he tries to hold back tears. “I thought we were passed that.”

Only, one call managed to make everything miserable again.

( _“Well what do you mean you’re being called back?” Aaron’s voice was high, this feeling of dread running through him as he waited for Robert to reply._

_Robert, who was bent over the desk with a hand covering his face, a hand fucking trembling._

_“Six months, same place as usual.” Robert said coldly after a few seconds had passed._

_He tried to leave but Aaron pushed at his chest and frowned. “No!” He screamed, only Annie and Jacob on his mind as he blinked quickly. “You can’t, you - you gave it up.” He told Robert._

_Robert looked away, almost ashamed. “There was always a chance I could get called again, I just didn’t want to worry you because it was only a small one and -”_

_“You let us have kids?” Aaron whispered, face red and tears streaming down his face. “You let - let it happen when you knew -”_

_And Robert just broke down into this mess and Aaron had to hold him up, let the older man cry into his chest._

_“You stupid idiot.” Aaron cried into Robert’s shoulder, hugging him close._

_“Don’t leave me.” Robert pleaded. “Please don’t take the kids from me.” He said and Aaron lifted his head, promised that wouldn’t happen._

_And the world went quiet for a second._ )

“He _loves_ you.” Vic shrugs out, “He never came home before because he didn’t have what he has now.”

Aaron thinks about it for a second whilst he rocks Jacob and then he bites his lip and is hit with a memory.

( _“I can’t keep doing this.” Aaron had admitted, five months too late really._

_Robert frowned at him, untangled himself from the sheets. “What do you mean?”_

_And Aaron meant **this** , Robert going off for weeks on end and them having a single passion filled and desperate fuck and sharing stories and then Robert doing a disappearing act again._

_“This.” He said heavily, could barely look at Robert as he spoke. “You know I’ve not slept with anyone else since that first night, with you?”_

_And Robert looked away, almost like he didn’t want to know, almost like it would mean so much to him._

_“Aaron -”_

_“Because - I don’t want anyone else.” He shrugs. “Just you.”_

_It was massive to actually say and Aaron thought he’d made a mistake. He knew he had._

_All he had to do was look at Robert’s face._

_He was just silent, just looking towards the sheets with an unreadable expression on his face._

_“Say something.” Aaron begged._

_Then Robert looked up, “I told you how it’d be.” He said, “I thought you knew.”_

_Only, a mumbling of 'it’s not like we’re together’ one night didn’t mean they talked about anything._

_Aaron tried to hide his face but failed. “So, you’ve slept with other people?” And Robert’s face gave it away, he hadn’t, he actually hadn’t._

_“No.” He said slowly, “I -”_

_“Haven’t had the time.” Aaron said, more hurtful towards himself than anyone else but that’s what he did._

_“No.” He said, looked offended. “I don’t want anyone -”_

_“You don’t want **me**.” Aaron said, and then he stood up and shuddered because he hadn’t planned on saying this in his boxers. “And that’s why I can’t stay.”_

_Robert frowned. “Aaron, wait -”_

_“I can’t! That’s the problem.” Aaron shouted, didn’t mean to but suddenly he had tears in his eyes and he was bright red._

_“Wait for what?” Robert asked and Aaron made the mistake of looking at him. He was all soft skin and blonde hair and freckles and plumped lips and -_

_“I need to go.” He whispered, dragging his jumper towards him and then gulping hard._

_“What can’t you fucking wait -”_

_“You to realise I’m in love with you!” Aaron shouted, threat almost sore from it and a panic in his eyes._

_And everything suddenly hurt because Robert was just looking at him with his mouth wide open._

_“I’m - I love you.” Aaron whispered, and then he was running towards the door, running from whatever he thought him and Robert had, could be._

_And then Robert was reaching out and pulling at his arm and Aaron was falling onto the bed and Robert was kissing him hard on the lips._

_Again and again and again and -_

_“I love you too.”_

_Big grin and absolute kid at heart really._

_And they laughed about how long they’d felt the way they did all night._

_Until Aaron had tears in his eyes and bit his lip, “So now what?”_

_And neither of them knew the answer._ )

Vic comes forward. “He’s got his own family. Why wouldn’t he make it home?”

Aaron just shakes his head and rocks Jacob nervously. “We had a row though.” He admits and Vic closes her eyes slowly.

And it had been an ugly one, all raised voices and hissing down the phone and Aaron hadn’t ever cried like that after he threw the phone against the wall.

( _“So what? You can’t come home then?” Aaron snapped, walking down the path in the park with Annie running ahead and Jacob in his pram wailing away. “It’s Jacob’s first -”_

_“I’m fucking aware of that thanks father of the year.” And it was mean, nasty almost and Aaron was taken aback by it._

_But then again Robert always seemed on edge whenever they spoke now._

_“Well sorry.” Aaron hissed back, “It’s just hard being here on my own looking after two small kids whilst you -”_

_“Sip champagne on the Eiffel Tower.”_

_Annie ran out a little too ahead and Aaron swore before calling her name._

_“Is she alright?” Robert asked, voice suddenly softer._

_Her blonde hair caught Aaron’s eye and he waved at her to come back before scoffing down the phone. “Like you give a toss.”_

_And it was a horrible thing to say, but they seemed like they were both up for hurting each other as much as they could._

_It was scary, how much they could hurt as well as love each other so deeply._

_“Of course I do.” Robert said, voice so heavy and filled with a pain Aaron couldn’t ever understand._

_“If you did, you’d be here.” Aaron shouted, “You wouldn’t have left us all, you wouldn’t have been able to.”_

_There was silence for the longest while before Aaron heard Robert sniffling. “So you’re better off without me then.”_

_And Aaron, heart hammering in his chest and a harshness in his tongue, couldn’t help but say -_

_“Yeah. Pretty much.”_

_Before the line went dead and he was hurling his phone towards the floor and Annie was wiping his tears and telling him that it would be okay._ )

“Nothing is going to stop him from coming home for Christmas.” Vic is so adamant and Aaron doesn’t even know what to think of it all.

“And then he’s going to go again.” Aaron whispers, hugs at Jacob a little. “He’s growing so fast and - Robert hasn’t seen him grow up Vic.”

And that hurts so much, must haunt Robert daily.

Because he wanted kids, Aaron was scared of the idea but it was Robert who said it all.

( _Robert was home for good, or so Aaron thought._

_And they were laying on Aaron’s sofa, watching shitty television and eating popcorn._

_Robert was looking at Aaron all funny and suddenly just blurted it out._

_“Can we have kids?”_

_And Aaron was stunned into this awkward smile._

_“Don’t think biologically it’s really possible but -”_

_Sweaty palms and all that, Robert grabbed at Aaron’s hands. “I’m serious.”_

_And it had come out to nowhere really yet seemed a logical step in the Adult World._

_They’d had the most dysfunctional wedding, Robert nearly dying and Aaron marrying him at his bedside and Vic crying the whole way through that and then their summer blessing too._

_“You are aren’t you?” Aaron said, met with sudden realisation as Robert nodded. “I’d be a shit dad Rob.”_

_And Robert just kissed him. “I don’t want to have kids with anyone else in the world.” He said, stroking Aaron’s hair. “You’ll be - fucking legendary.”_

_Aaron’s eyes flickered and his stomach flipped._

_He’d seen a future with Robert, kids and all that, never thought it could actually happen._

_“So will you.” Aaron told him, and it meant a yes, and then they got down to 'baby making’ all night._ )

Vic places a hand on Aaron’s and smiles. “I promise you, he’ll be here in time for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”

Only, the time it rolled round Robert was still a no show.

Annie had ripped through all her presents and was wearing another one of her beautiful dresses and was full of questions about where daddy was.

“He’s - he’s helping people again, remember?” Aaron tells her, rocks Jacob in his arms as he kisses her head.

She pouts. “Can’t he stop helping them for just a little while.”

Aaron smiles sadly at her. “I wish he could.” He says, “But he’s too much of a good man.”

And that’s what it comes down too.

It makes Aaron have a little cry in the corner whilst he deals with the gravy and hears Vic and his mum help the kids pull the crackers.

_He should be here._

It’s what his mind is screaming and then his phone is vibrating and it’s Robert.

“Hello?” Aaron’s breathing out quickly, they haven’t spoke to each other since they argued and Robert blows out a soft breath.

“It’s so good to hear your voice, do you know that?” Robert says, and he sounds like he’s trying not to cry. “I’m sorry for how horrible I was before - I didn’t - I didn’t mean it.”

And Aaron knows he didn’t. “Me too.” He whispers, “Rob -”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come.” Robert tells him, and Aaron looks towards a picture of him and Robert and Annie and Jacob, all smiles.

It makes him mourn what could have been.

“I know you are.” Aaron whispers hollowly.

“I got something though, look outside.” Robert’s saying, and Aaron frowns before shuffling towards the door.

At first he can’t see anything other than darkness, but then he’s blinking quicker and -

Robert’s standing there in his uniform, a mistletoe over his head and his nose all pink from the cold.

“Alright smiler?” He says and Aaron’s reminded of this ancient nickname he had and -

It takes seconds for Aaron to jump on Robert and wrap his arms around him.

He’s a mess of emotions, crying his eyes out as Robert holds his head and strokes.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Aaron tells him, kisses at his lips before pulling away and wiping the tears away from Robert’s face. “You came back?”

Robert nods, tugs at Aaron’s waist. “As if I could stay away.” He says, “Merry Christmas Mr Sugden.” He teases and Aaron kisses him hard before Annie’s pulling the door open and Robert drops to his knees.

She’s running into his arms and screaming about him being home and Vic starts crying near the door too.

“Daddy! Daddy giant! Daddy’s here!” And Aaron’s eyes flutter lovingly before Robert kisses her head.

“I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know my beautiful girl.” He says, fresh tears falling.

And then Aaron’s passing Jacob over to him and Robert shudders.

“He’s got bigger.” He whispers, strokes at his son’s nose and smiles. “Oh my boy.” He hugs at his little body and Jacob starts gurgling like he’s having a catch up with his father.

And it’s so soft, it’s almost achingly beautiful.

 

::

 

“I’m not going back.” Robert tells Aaron, fire burning against the logs in the living room, Christmas dinner long forgotten and the kids asleep over them.

Aaron frowns. “But you said -”

“Six months yeah but -” Robert shrugs. “You’re my family, you’re the only thing that matters to me.” He says, presses his forehead against Aaron’s. “You’re my _husband_ and I let you down.” And Aaron can see him welling up, because it’s so easy for Robert to hate himself.

Aaron shakes his head, “Oi, don’t get upset. Please Rob.”

Robert blows out a breath. “I’m officially retired from the force.” He says, pulls out some crumbled official document which Aaron wants to frame.

He’s waited so long to see it. He’s waited so so long.

“You’re ours now, fully, forever.” Aaron whispers, looks towards a sleepy Annie and Jacob.

Robert looks fucking thrilled by the prospect. “Yours. Forever, I promise.” He tells his husband before holding his hand and resting his head against his shoulder lovingly. “Didn’t even get him a present.” He tuts, “I’m sorry.”

Aaron laughs, all warm and filled with a softness he didn’t know he still had in him.

“What?” Robert asks, suddenly confused.

“You’re here and you’re staying.” He says, “Best present I could ask for Mr Dingle.” He’s got tears in his eyes and he smiles.

Robert kisses him gently. “My present is years and years of boring normality husband dearest.” He says and Aaron looks at the mounds of tinsel and presents and the way Jacob’s little finger is firm around Robert’s pinky and -

“I could get used to that.”

 

~*~

 

_‘and with love in my heart, snow falling gently, and you next to me -_

_it’s a very merry christmas my love, for now and eternity.’_

 

**Author's Note:**

> here's hoping you had a very lovely day and enjoyed the amazing episode! let me know which one was your favourite if you have one!


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